Carabiniere Jokes

Carabiniere Jokes

Monday, September 27th, 2010

For whatever reason the Italians seem to have a long history of Carabiniere jokes. In some respects they are a lot like the ethnic jokes that we used to tell before we realized that it was really insensitive to tell them about ethnic groups – notably Poles. Does anyone remember Polack jokes? Almost everyone now feels that it is insensitive to make fun of a ethnic or disabled group so now we just go for lawyer jokes. Nobody seems to be worry about harming their psyches. Well, Carabiniere jokes are both different and the same as lawyer jokes. The difference is that while lawyer jokes depict lawyers as being heartless, cunning and overpaid (possibly occasionally true), Carbiniere jokes depict these stalwarts of Italian law enforcement as dumb (also possibly occasionally true). The similarity is that both groups tend to not be offended by the jokes directed at them and even collect the jokes. When I was at language school in Rome  the teacher delighted in telling some of these jokes. However the ones that she told were really all about physical humor. There were no actual words. I can’t illustrate them easily without a video camera and sadly there are none on YouTube but here is one you can probably visualize.

Question: How does a Carabiniere tie his shoe:

Answer: Go through these motions: Put your right foot up on a chair. Bend over and tie the shoe on the left foot that is still on the floor.

OK, that doesn’t do it for you? Well here are some that are more verbal that I found:

  • There was this peasant who lived up in the mountains on a narrow road. One day, he saw a carload of Carabinieri driving backwards up the mountain. “Why are you driving backwards?” he asked. “Because were not sure well be able to turn around up ahead.” Later, the peasant saw the carabinieri driving backwards down the mountain. “How come you’re still driving backwards?” the peasant asked. “Well, the driver replied, we found a place to turn around.”
  • Two Carabinieri are walking on a beach. One says, “Look, a dead seagull!” The other looks up, shields his eyes with his hands, and says, “Where?”
  • Q. How do you burn a Carabiniere’s ear off?

A. Call him while he’s ironing.

OK, had enough? Well how about some real Carabiniere stuff. I was hoping to find some Carabiniere jokes on YouTube and instead I found this car chase. The Carabiniere are in an Alfa. Of course Italians are legendary for being wild and crazy drivers but these guys really bring it to a new level. They probably don’t tie the wrong shoe! It’s only 3 minutes but seems sooo much longer.

If you just watched the chase I hope your adrenaline level is now back to normal. I’ve never really had any contact with law in Italy, have you? How did it go?

7 Responses to “Carabiniere Jokes”

  1. Jim Bowers Says:

    The clip was very like a Jason Bourne movie. I remember that when I was in Rome, there seemed to be no cars without a dent or a scrape. Now I know why. The jokes are a genre which contains a blank space ( insert target group here). Polacks, Blondes, Texas Aggies…. It doesn’t matter. If they weren’t funny, they would die out. Two Aggies each got a new horse. they were concerned that they wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. They checked the manes, no difference. The tails were also the same. Finally they decided to measure the height of each horse, and sure enough the black one was three inches taller than the white one. That’s the only clean one I remember.

  2. Joe Says:


    It sounds like you liked it. While I was trolling the web for Carabiniere jokes I found EXACTLY that horse joke but substituting Carabiniere. The whole world likes stupid jokes!.


  3. Victor Miller Says:

    They did very well, considering their reputation. They got the malefactors without stepping on their own batons.

  4. Joe Says:


    Yes, they did quite a job of driving that Alfa. I don’t know if you noticed but there is a speedometer reading in the lower right hand corner and at one point they were going 190 km/hr – about 120 miles/hour. Last night in Italian class the teacher asked me to tell one of the barzellette (jokes) in Italian. I did the easy one about the dead seagull although first the teacher had to tell me that seagull was “gabbiano” and then I had to explain that word to the class. I hope that you’re having fun in Italy now.


  5. Jamie P. Says:

    I might have to go back to the video clip and count the number of times the guys say “Andiamo!”. 🙂
    Grazi mille,

  6. Joe Says:


    While you’re at it count the number of times that he says “Vai!” – Go!


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